


The Day the World Spun Around

by Annabee28



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean Has Panic Attacks, Dean Winchester Has Anxiety, Eventual Romance, Happy Ending, M/M, Sam tries to help, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Dean, Temporary Character Death, Thoughts of death, set right after season 12 finale, what I want to happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 08:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12207504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annabee28/pseuds/Annabee28
Summary: Set right after season 12 finale. Dean is having a breakdown about loosing his best friend and Sam tries to fix it. Happy ending I promise!





	The Day the World Spun Around

**Author's Note:**

> This is not beta read.Sorry for any mistakes! I started this right after I watched the season 12 finale but I just now finished it. There is self harm for like two lines, but please don't read if thoughts of dying and self harm trigger you.

Dean looked Castiel’s body laying on the ground. “No… No. Cas please.. Don’t leave again. I cant-” He put his hand on Castiel's cheek. “Please angel I can’t lose you... “ Dean felt like his world was plummeting around him. The only thing that existed was him and Cas. Dean looked at the scorch marks of the wings on the ground. “You’ve died before, right? It will be fine.” Dean says, sobs coming up. “It will be….” Dean collapsed onto Cas, resting his forehead on the angels chest, sobs making his body jolt.  
“Please Cas! I love you. Please don’t leave me…. Please…” He sobbed into Cas’ trenchcoat, balling up the fabric in his hands.  
Dean was gasping for breath, a panic attack racing over him.  
“Dean…” Sam’s voice called somewhere in the distance. Dean couldn't look up. He couldn't even move.  
“Dean…” He felt a hand on his back.  
“I can’t lose him. Sammy.. I love him.” Dean gasped.  
“I know Dean. But we need to go.” Sam said gently.  
“Cant-breathe…” Dean gasped.  
“Fuck..” Sam murmured under his breath. “Dean, we need to go now! Go get in the car and I will get Cas.”  
“I can’t” Dean replied, tears still falling onto the fabric of Castiel’s trenchcoat.  
“Goddammit Dean.” Sam exclaimed. He stood and dragged Dean up.  
“NO! Cas!!!” Dean yelled.  
“I will get him Dean, we are going to die if we don't leave!” Sam yelled over Dean’s distress. He felt bad for his brother but they were in danger with that weird teenage lucifer hybrid thing in the house. Sam threw Dean into the passenger seat in the Impala, then went over to get the angel off of the ground. He picked him up bridal style, grunting as he did.  
He put Cas in the back and got into the driver's seat.  
Dean was still sobbing in the passenger seat.  
“Dean, take deep breaths.” Sam said when he heard Dean still gasping for air. Sam started up the car as he tried to calm his brother down. This was the worst panic attack Dean had ever had.  
“I fucking c-can’t” Dean let out.  
“Come on man, breathe with me.” Sam said, pulling out onto the road back to the bunker.  
“One…. Two.. One..” Sam started. After a few minutes of this, Dean seemed to breathe a little easier, but he was still crying.  
“We’re going home man, we’ll call Chuck. We’ll figure this out.”

When they got back to the bunker, Dean had stopped crying. He walked to his room, feeling numb. He sat down on his bed and looked down at his hands. Cas’ blood was on his hands.  
Dean felt a wave of nausea hit him. He ran into his bathroom and fell in front of the toilet, vomiting into it. He was shaking and sweating as he kneeled there for god knows how long.  
Dean slowly stood and stared at himself in the mirror. His face was pale and sweaty, his eyes looked sunken in.He ran water over his hands, watching the blood go down the drain.  
His eyes went over to the razor on the counter.  
Why do I deserve to live if Cas can’t… he thought as he stared at the razor.  
No, he does not cut anymore. He used to when he was younger. His father would leave him and Sammy alone in a motel room for weeks on end with only 20$ for food. Dean had to figure out ways to get money. He felt worthless, so he would cut himself in the shower so Sammy wouldn't catch him doing it. But he hasn't done it in a long time. He reached over with a shaking hand.  
He slowly brought the blade to his wrist and pressed down,watching as beads of red came up. Dean didn't realize he was crying again until he saw a tear drop onto the blood on his wrist. Dean sunk down the wall, sitting on the floor. The hand holding the razor limp on the floor. He stared at his wrist.  
“Dean! Holy shit man what are you doing?!” Sam’s voice suddenly exclaimed. Dean didn't even hear him come into his bedroom.  
Dean let Sam take the razor out of his hand and wrap up his wrist with a hand towel. Tears were blurring Dean’s vision. He was not listening to what Sam was saying. Sam sat on the floor and started to rub his back.  
Sam pushed his back a little to get his attention. “Dean. I was going to call Chuck.” Dean’s eyes snapped towards him.  
“Then let’s go.” Dean snapped.  
“Are you sure you wanna ri-” Sam was cut off.  
“Yes! Let’s fucking go!” Sam nodded and put Dean’s other hand over the rag on his wrist. “Come on then.” he says, standing.  
They went into the library and Dean saw Cas lying across one of the tables.  
“Chuck! We need your help!” Sam yelled.  
Silence.  
“Cas is fucking dead. You motherfucker come down here!” Dean screamed. After a few seconds the lights in the bunker started to shake and flicker. They looked around and found Chuck standing by one of the bookshelfs.  
“Hello Dean, Sam.” He greeted, walking towards him. “What can I do for you because I'm apparently an on call person.”  
Sam stepped aside and motioned his hand towards Cas.  
Chuck whistled, walking towards his son. “Who killed him?”  
“Lucifer” Dean practically growled, clenching his fists.  
“Can you save him?” Sam asked. Chuck stared at Cas.  
“Uh.. I don’t know.” Chuck replied honestly, scratching the back of his neck.  
“You don’t know? You’re fucking God!” Dean yelled.  
“Okay Dean, take a step back. I will do what I can.” Chuck said, going over to Cas. He put a hand on Cas’ chest and closed his eyes.  
After a minute Dean broke the silence “Well?” he asked.  
Chuck sighed.  
Dean felt tears start to well up behind his eyes again.  
“I may be able to make him human again… But all his grace is gone and no longer can be an angel.”  
“Do whatever you can, I just want Cas back.” Dean says, his voice cracking.  
Chuck looks up at Dean. “If I do this, will you finally admit your love for Castiel.”  
Dean looks taken aback. “Umm..I…” he looked down at his shoes. “Yes” he mumbled.  
“I’m sorry what?” Chuck asked.  
“Yes!” Dean said a little louder.  
Chuck nodded. “I will need some time to put things together. It will take around ten minutes.” he informed the boys.  
They both sat down. Chuck smiled a little and turned all his focus onto Cas.  
There was light shining on Cas’ face, after a while Chuck stopped.  
“Okay, he will wake up sometimes in the next few hours.” Chuck said. “He does not have a heartbeat yet, but once he wakes up he will.”  
“Really?” Dean asked  
Chuck nodded “Well. See you boys later.”  
“Chuck, thank you.” Sam said. Chuck smiled and vanished.  
Dean walked over to Cas and took his hand. “I will stay here until he wakes up.”  
“Did you stop bleeding?” Sam asked gently.  
Dean took off the hand towel that he had been pressing on his wrist. “Yeah.”  
“Okay. Im exhausted, when he wakes up come let me know okay?” Sam says. Dean nods and Sam leaves them.  
Dean nods. He rests his head on Cas’ chest, waiting.  
A few hours later, Dean heard a intake of breath under his head.  
“Cas?” Dean exclaimed, sitting up straight.  
Cas sat up, gasping in air and opening his eyes. He looked over and saw Dean.  
“D-Dean?” He asked.  
“Cas.” Dean sighed, giving in to his temptation and leaning in to press their lips together.  
Cas kissed back after a second then pulled back. “I… need air. Dean why do I need to breathe, am I human again? What happened?”  
“Lucifer killed you. Yes you’re human, that’s the only way Chuck could bring you back to life.” Dean informed him.  
“Oh. And why did you kiss me?” Cas asked quietly.  
“Because I Love you Castiel.” Dean replied  
Cas smiled “I love you too Dean.”  
“Can you get up?” Dean asked.  
“I..I think.” Cas replies, slowly attempting to get up with Dean’s help. They eased him onto his feet. “I feel tired but I can stand.”  
Dean pulls cas gently into a hug. “I can’t believe you’re back. I couldn't fucking handle you being gone..” He said, tears forming in his eyes again.  
“I’m back Dean.” Cas says, hugging him back.  
“I’m think i’m hungry?” Cas says after a second.  
Dean laughs a little and pulls back, wiping tears off his face.  
“Okay. I’m going to go tell Sam you’re awake then I will get you something okay?”  
“I know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” Cas says,tilting his head.  
Dean stares at him for a second then pulls him into a kiss. “That was so fucking cute.” He growls, after he pulls back. Cas smiles but looks a little confused.  
“But no, I don’t want you to make yourself something, you need fucking steak or something. I will be right back, go sit down.”  
“Okay Dean.” Cas says, heading to the kitchen for Dean to make him some amazing food.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!I know that ending was bad..sorry. Please let me know if I need to tag this with anything else. This is the first time I have written something with self harm I just want to make sure I am warning correctly. Thank you for reading!


End file.
